HOWARD — According to Caree Varughese, health educator with the Knox County Health Department, there is sexual activity among middle-schoolers. Eighth-graders, seventh-graders and sixth-graders — even children as young as fifth grade — are experimenting and engaging in a variety of unhealthy, unsafe behaviors.
Working together to keep children safe is a goal shared by parents, school officials and county law enforcement personnel, as well as the health department. To that end, East Knox hosted a panel discussion to inform parents of some of the issues facing children today. Varughese said the problems are happening countywide, not just at East Knox.
Chip McConville talked about some of the situations with juveniles he sees in his role as assistant county prosecutor. One is the inappropriate cell phone usage in the county.
“Kids simply don’t understand they can run afoul of obscenity laws, or that anything posted on the Internet or on their cell phones is there forever,” McConville said.
He said parents need to monitor their children’s cell phones, and check them regularly for inappropriate text messages, videos and messages.
“If you, the parent, are paying the bill, then you have every right to check the phone,” he told them.
Another problem which seems to be growing among students is the abuse of prescription drugs. McConville mentioned certain medications, including prescription pain pills.
“These are usually things they have gotten from household medicine cabinets,” he said, adding that selling or buying or using them is against the law.
The abuse of over-the-counter medicine, especially certain cold medicines, is another area of concern, according to McConville.
The use of alcohol by underage individuals also continues to be an issue in the county, McConville said. He reminded parents they are responsible for any underage drinking by their children, and for any underage drinking by guests in their homes. He also said there are a variety of programs in the area designed to let students know about the dangers and consequences of underage drinking.
Self-injurious behavior, such as cutting, scratching and burning oneself, is being seen on a more frequent basis, said Patrick Gilligan, director of counseling at Kenyon College. He said it is not attention-getting behavior or a suicide attempt, but a way for the students to deal with the emotional pain and distress in their lives. If the students have trouble articulating what they are feeling, Gilligan explained, feelings of emotional pressure build and they cut themselves to relieve that pressure.
“Growing up nowadays is really difficult,” said Andrea, a Kenyon student who requested her last name be withheld. She told her personal story of how she reached the point of cutting herself. She said events and life got to be too much to deal with, and the emotional distress got so intense she basically went numb. She then resorted to causing herself physical pain to relieve the emotional pain.
Counseling and developing better coping skills helped her overcome the behavior. Andrea said she learned to take a figurative step back and realize that life is “not all about now.”
Parents can help their children, she said, by simply talking with them in a one-to-one basis.
“Ask them what’s going on,” she said. “Ask how you can help. Be the one your kid wants to come to.”
Gilligan said the first thing parents can do when they find out their children are harming themselves is “Don’t freak out.” That reaction only increases the pressure and might escalate the behavior.
Since the cutting can become a sort of compulsion, he continued, help them break the habit, find out the source of their pain, acknowledge their feelings, and help them learn how to appropriately handle and regulate their emotions. He said the students might also need help in learning appropriate problem-solving skills. Parents can also help their children develop perspective and help them look at things from another angle.
“It is important to realize that [emotional] pain is part of life,” Gilligan said. “They also may need to learn how to relax once in a while.”
Varughese was the third panelist. She talked frankly and explicitly about students’ sexual behavior. She said the cases of sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise, and, although many adults do not like to hear it, children of younger and younger ages are having some form of sexual activity. According to Varughese, the activity is not confined to evening and nighttime hours. She said that, especially with younger teens, inappropriate behavior occurs frequently between when school lets out and dinnertime.
Varughese said children as young as fifth grade are engaging in oral sex, as are older students, many of whom “don’t consider oral sex to be sex because they’re still a virgin.” Some students have also told her anal sex is different than intercourse “because you can’t get pregnant.” Varughese said students need to know that sex is not just intercourse, and that other forms of sexual activity can also result in STDs, which can cause permanent damage.
Varughese said “because they’re bored” is the reason students give her for their sexual activity, and said it’s not just dating couples who engage in such behavior. Group “rainbow parties” tend to involve more than two individuals, and may include middle school students.
“Eighth-graders are too young to handle the emotional aspects that go with any sort of physical sex act,” she said.
“Open up conversations with your kids,” Varughese urged the parents. “The people kids listen to the most are their parents, even if it doesn’t seem like it. So set boundaries, mean what you say and back it up.”
She said it is important for parents to talk with their children about sex and healthy relationships, to answer any questions the child may have and to use the correct terminology.
“Sometimes the kids just get into a situation they don’t know how to get out of,” Varughese said. “They need to learn how to resist the ploy ‘if you really loved me you would ... ’ They need to learn how to say ‘no,’ and that it is OK to ‘hurt someone’s feelings’ if that’s what it takes to keep themselves safe.”
Every panelist said students often engage in unsafe acts because they think it’s “cool,” or because television, magazines, popular music and videos make the activities seem harmless and without consequences.
The most important factor in keeping children, preteens and adolescents safe, said McConville, is the parental role. Parents are legally responsible for their children’s actions, and for what occurs if other youngsters are in their home.
“Know where your children are,” he said. “Know who they are with and what they are up to. Don’t be afraid to check up on them”
Parents need to work together, especially if a child comes home and tells of some inappropriate behavior a friend is practicing.
“We as parents need to talk,” said Gilligan. “Be prepared to tell another parent what’s going on. And, just as importantly but probably more difficult, be prepared to hear it.”
East Knox superintendent John Marschhausen said the district is planning to host more parent meetings and talk more with students about safe behaviors.
